Improve Your Relationship With A "Spiritual Detox"
A healthy relationship creates so much positive energy in our lives. It gives us strength to fight through the day and develops us to become the best version of ourselves.
We all desire this, yet it's not easy. The bottom line is, it's not free.
Just like you can't get into shape, by being a couch potato with a gallon of ice-cream, you can't expect to improve your relationship without working on the negative habits or "toxins" within.
1. Detox Our Judgement From YOU To ME
When something bothers us, we are so quick to blame our partner (others) first.
For example, I am a more private person than my husband. There are matters that I don't want to share with family and friends. My husband, however, doesn't seem to mind talking about anything to anyone. This always lead to a big fight.
Although I still think we shouldn't advertise everything, over time I realized, on a certain level, my anger and frustration actually came from my own issues, mainly insecurity.I was worried about what other people think of me and about getting hurt from their judgments.
This unhealthy area of me played a toxic role in our relationship (and lead to many fights), yet I believed, for a long time, that HE is the one who needs to change.
It's difficult for anyone to admit "I have problems", but positive change comes from taking full responsibility of our own flaws rather than pointing our finger at others.
To have a healthy relationship, we need to cleanse our judgements of others and focus on ourselves.
The Next time we get frustrated with our significant others, let us ask ourselves a deeper question.
"Why does this bother me so much?"
2. Detox From Outside To Within
Sometimes, we misunderstand that relationship problems come from external reasons, such as, money, health, in-laws, kids and etc.
But what really blocks us from truly loving someone, comes from within.
All of us have negative areas under the surface that are toxic to our relationships. The bible verse, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, shows a good example of this:
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Let's think about ourselves for a moment.
Do we love our significant others in this way?
Oftentimes, I find myself being impatient, mean, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered and I definitely keep record of my husband's wrongs. What is my problem?? It all comes from my unhealthy areas within that I built up over time.
Are you completely free from this? Can anyone say they truly are?
If you aren't, stay with me for my next series of articles, where I will share more details about common toxins in our relationships.
3. Detox Our Desire From "for me" To "for him/her"
Before we move on, it's important to understand the root of all the negative qualities within us, "Selfishness".
It is so natural for us to think about "my side" first and what satisfies "me". Sometimes, we even manipulate ourselves into believing "I'm doing this for him/her", when in reality, its for me.
When I was dating my husband, I did laundry for him once, while he was gone. I put a lot of effort into making it smell good and folded perfectly. When he didn't show me the gratitude that I expected, I got angry.
The anger taught me a great lesson. I actually didn't do it for him. I did it in order to receive love and validation from him. It was for "me."
To build a healthy relationship, we need to detox our desire from self-seeking to compassionate.
Remember that to improve your relationship we need to find and redirect our issues:
- from others to myself
- from outside to within
- mainly from our selfishness
Therefore, for the next series of articles, having a selfless mindset towards our significant other, will be the fundamental idea behind a spiritual detox.
-Young
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Posted in Computers Post Date 10/28/2019